I decided it was time to write a blog and be completely honest in it.
What I need to be honest about is the big, ugly feelings of discontentment
I have had lately. This discontentment has been brewing an uncharacteristic
“why me?” attitude in my heart.
Have you ever had seasons like that—where you constantly
choose to dwell on all the bad rather than focusing on the good? Well, that’s
the rut I am stuck in right now.
But, I wanted to share the step towards change I decided to
make last night.
First, here are some examples of questions that have made my
heart discontent:
Why is my husband having all of these medical issues and
pain that prohibits him to even walk? And why haven’t the thousands of dollars
we have spent on tests and doctors brought relief and answers yet?
Why was my father taken away from me when I was so young?
And why even 7 years later it can still hurt like it was yesterday?
Why is jealousy and discontentment getting the best of me?
Especially, when I look at Facebook to see individuals and families that look
like they have it all together.
I understand that aspects of these situations are
understandably hard, but it is my thoughts about these situations that I want
to change. I want to start “taking my thoughts captive and make them obedient
to Christ” (2nd Corinthians 10:5). I want to have the same joy Paul
had in his trials.
As these feelings became overwhelming, I decided to talk
with a mentor last night, and through it I realized how I have been asking all
the wrong questions. All the questions focused on “why why why?”, and dwelling
on this will not make the situations better.
So, I decided to think of some better questions to ask in
this season:
What is God trying to teach me through Grant’s ailments? Is
it patience and being more servant-like?
What is God trying do through me concerning the death of my
father? Is it perseverance and strength?
What does God want to change in me through my unhealthy coveting
of what others present on Facebook? Does he want to change my feelings of
entitlement and pride?
How can I recognize these negative feelings in my heart and
combat them with positive ones?
And ultimately the big question—what am I thankful for?
This last question is one we should really be asking
everyday.
Numerous times I have been given the advice to write a list
of things I am thankful for but have never done it. Last night, I finally did.
Here is my list of 10 things I am thankful for:
-God and the comforting peace he brings.
-My husband and how we have grown together in tough and easy
times.
-Mark, Kathryn & Family. They give me unwavering
support.
-Grant’s job at FBCO and the great co-workers he has.
-The college education I received and the opportunity I have
to get my master’s degree.
-How my struggles in life make me relatable and empathetic.
-My home and the time I have been able to spend on cooking.
-For my friends and mentors who still call to check up on
me. Also, the new friends I have made.
-The opportunities I have had to do missions and, hopefully,
more that will come in the future.
-How God has redeemed my life!
Wow.
Now, all I can do is laugh at myself after looking at that
list! I actually find the “why” questions petty in light of all great things
God has done in my life.
Discontentment can rob you of joy and blind you to the
beautiful blessings in life. And let’s be honest—pity party people are no fun
to be around. I don’t even like being around myself when I am that way.
Dwelling on thankfulness reminds me how I am truly loved by
God and the trials on this earth are so temporary.
God has given me too much to be discontent.
So, now I ask you:
Are you in this same season?
Is life weighing down so hard that you need to write a
thankfulness list?
Thanks for reading!
Karlie Collins
